Integration

I know that I haven’t written since I came home from Banff. I was on such a high from the experience, that I wanted to really be in it for as long as possible. It is inevitable that after a while, life returns to whatever one deems normal and somehow I have to figure out how to fit all of the things that are really important into the day.

One thing that I am pretty pleased with, is that I have continued my morning ritual of writing the novel on the bus on the way to work. I have been steadily writing since I got back and that, for me, says everything. I am more determined then ever to write – to continue to master the craft of writing and to finish what I set out to do.

There is a clarity within me, a peacefulness, when I write that doesn’t happen with anything else. I am completely present. To be present has been one of my personal goals. I think that as humans we spend a lot of time looking backward and getting caught up in old wounds. Or, looking forward and panicking about what is to come. I am infamous for the former…well and the latter to. But it is when I start “planning” and think about next year or the year after or where I want to be when I am fourty, then I get completely hysterical. I can actually feel the many molecules within hyperventilating.

It isn’t pretty.

So, the process now has been to remain steadfast in the present. People ask me about the summer and I have no idea. All I see for myself is a lot of pen to paper (or fingers on the keyboard.) But, I see the garden in the backyard overgrowing with weeds and there are obligations that require my attention – in particular my day job which helps me pay for the overgrowing garden in the backyard.

The point is, that I just stay where I need to be. Which is here. Now. Writing.