Confession. I’m terrible with transitions. The in-between time. I’m not patient and want things to happen in my own time and when they don’t I think it is because I’ve done something wrong. I am the first to turn on myself for not being good enough, smart enough, talented enough. Not enough.
I’m currently in a transition. For the first time since 2011 I don’t have a book or writing deadline of any kind. I don’t have a good finished draft of anything because the one that I thought was kinda sorta done and I went back into and I’m not even sure it will be a book in the end, or if it will go into a drawer never to see the light again. I’m working on a new book and I’m very excited about it and I have a proposal that I’ve tentatively sent out to a few people, while I continue to work on it every day. And, there are a few other projects coming up that are exciting.
I’m also putting a workshop together for the first time because while I deal with the inner critic and the feeling of not enough every day, I move forward. The workshop is meant to help people who struggle as I do with self worth and creativity, hoping that they’ll find their “writer within.” I aimed for 8 people. There are now almost 12 people signed up. Walking the talk. Practicing what I preach. Embracing my own self worth–even when everything is unknown–is part of my practice. And, then, giving back. I’m hoping that this will be the first of many workshops.
I’ve been practicing meditation and yoga for over twenty years, learning different healing modalities and finding ways to connect with whatever I see as divine. Returning to this practice helps me with the transitions, as does finding something concrete to focus on. And, while, one could argue that we are always in transition, life itself is one, it is hard for me to not see the next goal.
But, I love the idea of instead having intentions. How one is going to be in life. How one chooses to be in the world.
My friend, Heather Demetrios, has started a group, Pneuma Creative, where she encourages mindfulness and writing, something that I’ve been working on for years. A few weeks ago, she invited us to take part in Adreanna Limbach’s 31 Days of Devotion meditation practice, which focuses a lot on intention and compassion. I decided to make it part of my meditation practice for the next month. It has been wonderful and transformative, giving me space to recenter and slow down. Yesterday’s meditation was led by Sydney Faith Rose who encouraged us to think about the idea of love as a practice, compassion and love for ourselves. She invited us to tell ourselves something. I said to myself, “everything is going to be okay.”
And I know it will be.
In this transition year of creation I will continue to work with my process, explore a variety of ways to bring in abundance, while also giving back to my community. But, most of all I will be focusing on my intentions:
To Be Clear
To Be Compassionate
To Be Brave
To Be Determined
To Be Thoughtful
To Be Loving
To Be Kind
To get out of my own way and step forward in knowing that I am good enough, smart enough, talented enough. Enough.